____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
