I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Randomize
