i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
