The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
