there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
