I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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