He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
