thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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