is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
