Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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