We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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