You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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