you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
