marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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