No more Irish car bombs ever.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Randomize
