Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
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We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
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Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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