Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize