Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
