new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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