i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
