was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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