Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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