He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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