the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
