I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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