So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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