I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
