when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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