I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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