He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
