If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
