it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
