I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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