remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
