Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
The air taste purple.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
