we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
