I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
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obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
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My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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