My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
