i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
