how can u be prego again
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
