I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
