like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
