U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
pray to the hookup gods
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
