this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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