Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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