just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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