it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
