I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
