my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
