mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
