hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
