Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
