It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
