Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
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How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
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It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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