Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
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