I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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