Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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