what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
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I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
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I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot