Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??