there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.