My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
