Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
