If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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