vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
