You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
