When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
