Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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