so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
